5-6), "it is the base out of which all our other addictions and compulsions emerge. Underneath nearly every addiction and compulsion lies codependence. And what runs them is twofold: a sense of shame that our true self is somehow defective or inadequate, combined with the innate and healthy drive of our true self that does not realize and (cannot) express itself. The addiction, compulsion, or disorder becomes the manifestation of the erroneous notion that something outside ourselves can make us happy and fulfilled. And underlying codependence is shame and a deep belief that the person is inadequate, incomplete, and flawed. Avoiding his own negative feelings and painful past, he becomes externally and other-focused, yet is unable to genuinely connect with them, with himself, or with a Higher Power of his understanding through the false or pseudo-self he was forced to create. In fact, this has the opposite or repelling effect. His boundaries, another aspect of the disease, may be distorted, undefined, and extend beyond himself. Finally, as a defense, codependence is learned, acquired, progressive, and inextricably tied to the adult child syndrome, since the false self serves as the link between the two. Codependence is both additive and breeds addictions. People's actions are usually motivated by rewards and, in this case, the reward is the temporary disconnection from their painful pasts by focusing on others and the belief that doing so will bring them happiness and fulfillment, as they attempt to avoid their own emptiness and negative self-feelings. Although they feel flawed because of their upbringing, the real flaw is that an external source can fill and replace an internal one. The more they look toward others, the more they deny and disconnect from their own needs, wants, and deficits. "This love deficit condemns us to an existence of addiction, para-alcoholism, codependence, or seeking some other outward source to heal an inward feeling of being unwanted or defective," according to the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. Although certain strategies can temporarily relieve their adverse condition, such as avoiding, depending, obsessing, and compulsing, excessive reliance upon them, as ultimately occurs with codependence, exaggerates them and elevates them to addiction levels, transforming their "benefits" into deficits. Yet doing so is not a solution, since it fails to address the underlying reason for it and only ends up creating what can be considered a byproduct problem. The more a person seeks gratification to rise above his unresolved past, the more he reinforces the neuro-pathway to pleasure in his brain, cementing the belief that this "other-person" addiction can provide satisfaction through external means-so much so, in fact, that the moment his "fix" is removed or is even threatened to be removed, he crashes and falls back into his pit of pain. Like all addictions, however, its affects to not end there: indeed, the brain eventually creates a tolerance for them, demanding ever greater quantities, frequencies, and intensities to satisfy him, until he becomes that proverbial binary star, orbiting around others, unable to function without them, as he becomes nothing more than his mirror image. "Just as we develop a tolerance to the effects of chemicals, we develop a tolerance to the effects of our behaviors. ," according to Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse and Joseph Cruse in their book, "Understanding Codependency: The Science Behind it and How to Break the Cycle" (Health Communications, 2012, p. "This vicious, one-way circle is a trap that ends in depression, isolation, institutions, and sometimes death. Excessive psychological and emotional reliance on others is, in essence, an exaggeration of normal personality traits and can ultimately disable a person, culminating in the disease of codependence. The way the body can quickly become dependent upon mood-altering chemicals, it can equally become physically dependent upon behaviors to the point that compulsions serve as his armament. "The disease of codependency can be seen as a personal struggle with a variety of compulsive disorders," Wegscheider-Cruse and Cruse wrote (Ibid, p. have lived in a condition of denial, distorted feelings, and compulsive behaviors, and as a result they have developed low self-worth, deep shame, inadequacy, and anger. But the codependent erroneously believes two mistruths. One is that he is intrinsically flawed and the other is that someone outside of himself can fill what he already possesses inside of himself. Problems can be painful, but can often point to solutions-or, at the very least, that they need to be sought. "Rather than being simply an escape from reality," wrote Whitfield in "Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition" (Health Communications, 1991, p. It starts out as a search for happiness and fulfillment outside ourselves. After repeated frustration, it ultimately becomes a search for inner wholeness and completion. Unless recovery is undertaken, usually through therapy and twelve-step program venues, and understanding is achieved, the mistreatment, dysfunction, and abuse that causes a person's early wound and transforms him into an adult child will only perpetuate, suppressing, paralyzing, or altogether removing the tenets of positive emotions, trust, and love needed for healthy human life and increasing the chances of its byproduct, codependence, by placing him on the fruitless path of looking outside of himself for fulfillment until it reaches addiction levels. "Recovery involves re-accepting and honoring your individuality," according to Dr. Susan Powers of the Caron Treatment Centers. You are you, as created, and not the image of what others will have you be attained by means of unhealthy attachments. Desensitizing traumas, resolving core issues, and progressively regaining trust leads to the gentle recovering of your true or authentic self, enabling it to express itself and provide the internal fulfillment that was always present, but was distorted and deflated through childhood wounding. The child within-our true self-is the only part of us that can connect to God and thus realize a fulfilling spirituality," noted Whitfield in "Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition" (Health Communications, 1991, p. And the late John Bradshaw emphasized the value of flowing from your authentic self when he stated, "I am me and for this alone I came. Torrance, California: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, 2006. Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon, and Cruse, Joseph. Understanding Codependency: The Science Behind it and How to Break the Cycle. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc.